12.4.08

tomcruise.2

I don’t need much I just need a little more than nothing™
and I want you to stay alive as long as you can
because being alive means something™
it is a small meaning
but that is all there is
and that is fine™ with me
because it is a little bigger than nothing™
I want to approach you and converse with ease™
but I just smile and nod and walk on cement
I look back I try to make it seem like I amstretching when you catch me
a butterfly touches a flower on the outskirts of a forest where a deer walks my heart is a jaguar with the legs and antlers of an elk
I finally speak to you but I don’t say what I mean to say
and I feel stupid™ I shake my head a little when I walk away
now that I think about it you were right and the whole time
all I really wanted to do was pull you in and make your skin touch my skin
I shake my head vigorously in private then I do something different
I imagine watching from the stands as you hold up the trophy
I am a maximum security prison that employs full time guards
there is a t-shirt between the body and the sweater and there is sweat
coming out of the body and soaking into the t-shirt
the glare is unholy I hold my hand above my eyes to shade them
the mactruck swerves and adrenaline is released in the body of the driver
there is no one around
lean in I mean it
come here and look at this
there is a heart in my body and a nail on my finger
Tom Cruise sits there thinking while his ice cream melts onto the couch
I look at the wall and think about touching it
because I know it will stay where it is
and I always get so scared™ that you will move away when I touch you
but I have gotten used to being scared™ and it doesn’t stop me anymore
you are my empty photo frame
and the nothing in the air between me and the window reminds me of us
the tornado pulls small pieces of things off the ground and eventually
tosses them far from where we are standing
this is the brief contact of our fingers when I hand you something
it doesn’t mean much but I remember vividly and it makes me think
we may have some kind of future™ together
the nurse pushes the wheelchair towards the bed
the nurse picks up the person from the bed
the nurse sits the person in the wheelchair
the wheels rotate on the linoleum
a long time ago I banished my love™
and when it returned it looked like anger™
but it was just love™ and scared™ combined
please help me pry apart
please
I sleep with one hand on my head and
one hand between the bed and my heart
I think about you half way across the world and I know you can’t help me
costume pocket watch with the chain through the button hole
the water moves from inside the plastic bottle into the mouth
someone stands on the rock at the base of the mountain
the bird flies through the air in real life and I don’t see it
until it is on the nature channel when I am falling asleep
it starts to rain miles from where I am but I can still smell it
the shaking paper held by a shivering person in shorts while it snows